‘I Am Who I Am’: The song Mac Miller wrote while living at his studio
When rapper Mac Miller first started out, he was considered to be a fully mainstream rapper. However, as time went on, Miller began to explore more experimental genres, creating more meaningful songs and exploring different production styles in his later work.
Interestingly, one of his most unique-sounding songs stemmed from the period of time in which Miller was actually living in his studio. Titled ‘I Am Who I Am (Killin’ Time),‘ the song was released in 2013 and featured vocals by Niki Randa, who also helped to co-write the track.
In a track-by-track walk-through of Watching Movies with the Sound Off, the album the song featured on, Miller told Billboard about the creative process behind the song. “I’m laying in the studio, I’m sleeping on the bean bags….and Q walks into the studio… I wake up to him going through beats,” the rapper shared.
“Like that was my last thought before I went to sleep and I woke up and this beat’s playing and I’m like, ‘yo, I was like, this is f*cking crazy.’ I woke right up and said, ‘Q, this is it, load it up.’ I wrote that verse…it wasn’t a lot of thought, they (the lyrics) just happened.”
It seems that Miller’s confined living space and surroundings at the time led him to a place of creativity that he was able to spill onto ‘I Am Who I Am (Killin’ Time).‘
The lyrics of the track have a stream-of-consciousness feel and mention various things that Miller feels strongly about, such as what people do with the money they earn and the debate about right or wrong. The song additionally references depression, religion, and how others criticise Miller for having certain views.
In the accompanying music video for the song, Miller’s lyrics come to life. The video depicts a woman floating underwater interspersed with shots of Miller looking at his own reflection in a room of mirrors. At some points, the unknown woman is also in the room of mirrors, appearing confused and unsettled as she looks at her reflection.
Speaking to MTV News, Miller went into detail about the concept behind the video. “I’m basically secluded and trapped in this room all day, and the room with mirrors, you’re in a room with only yourself, but there’s a bunch of people in the room, but it’s all yourself,’ he explained. “It’s kind of like this fantasy idea and the star room, this peaceful place, a room that looks like something out of an imagination.”
Due to the song featuring lyrics that quickly veer between several heavy topics, it makes sense that the music video has a similar chaotic feeling. Intriguingly, the way the video was filmed meant that Miller was left in the dark about how it would turn out. “I couldn’t see the camera, which is the idea of this paranoia that someone is kind of watching you,” he told MTV News. “I’m in the room doing the verses, and all I can see is reflected images of myself. I can’t see the camera; I’m not rapping to the camera.”
The result is a vaguely unsettling music video and a unique track which expresses Miller’s feelings on many difficult topics, seemingly inspired by Miller’s time living in his studio.