How Mac Miller warned fans of his drug addiction long before he died
Mac Miller was a troubled young man, and despite his passion for music, he showed signs of mental deterioration long before he died. Like many fresh-faced males in the music industry, the Pittsburgh lyricist was overwhelmed by the pressure placed upon him and eventually found himself increasingly isolated from those he loved and called friends.
The late Pennsylvania emcee was a one-of-a-kind artist who showed ingenuity in carefully crafting his bodies of work. During the 2010s, he acquired a cult following in his hometown of Pittsburgh and, as a white rapper, began turning heads with his incredible material. However, when he became a part of the cut-throat industry, uglier elements of the music business began to rear their ugly heads.
Miller, from the outside, had a lot going for him and was even happily dating pop star Ariana Grande for a period. Nonetheless, behind closed doors, the young artist struggled with substance abuse and chronic depression. The two, in conjunction, would ultimately lead to his death in 2018.
That said, before 2018, he had given listeners and music publications warnings of his emotional volatility, but fans and critics alike took no notice. In 2013, before the release of Miller’s legendary sophomore album, Watching Movies with the Sound Off, the ‘Party On Fifth Ave’ rhymer spoke with VIBE magazine about depression — a condition many MCs battle with during their careers. That year, J Cole talked about his mental struggles on his album Born Sinner.
As such, during his conversation with the publication, Miller was asked if depression was something he had ever experienced as a young creative. The rapper swiftly responded, “I definitely had my bad days, but everyone goes through depressed days. It’s common. My thing is to not run from it.”
He continued, “When you feel sad, it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Everyone has those days when you doubt yourself and when you feel like everything you do sucks, but then there are those days when you feel like Superman. It’s just the balance of the world. I just write to feel better.”
Miller produced some fantastic projects by writing. Still, it seemed that the better the albums got and the more he reflected on his life, the more the Pittsburgh lyricist hated who he was and where he had ended up.
Although Miller liked to write his way out of depression, one thing that entered his life as a rapper was lean, and it was the beverage that plagued him until the day he died. During their 2013 conversation, the interviewer encouraged Miller to speak about his battles with Promethazine (lean) to educate young people about the strife that comes with having an opiate addiction.
Miller detailed his ups and downs: “It’s rough. I went through depression and all that, but I was straight. I know that I have an addictive personality, and it’s not always a substance. I’m addicted to something at all times. Like it’s always music, but maybe sometimes it’s a pair of pants or something else. That’s just how my personality works.”
The Blueside Park creator did eventually drop lean. Explaining his experience without it, he clarified, “When I kicked Lean, I was always thirsty. Not like for pussy, but I just wanted something to drink all the time that would make me feel good. So for a while, I just started drinking heavy liquor, but I wasn’t going to become an alcoholic.”
Still, lean was affecting his music and even Miller recognised this. Telling VIBE how he couldn’t even perform live for a period, he disclosed, “My music was getting to the point where you couldn’t even understand what I was saying on records anymore. I was just like mumbling. I loved it, but then I was like, ‘Oh, having energy is cool.’
He concluded, “I remember my homies would come up to me after I got off, and they’d be like, ‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can’t perform again.’ So it affects you… but I don’t really know how serious it was. The people around me probably do.”
Although Miller made it clear on multiple occasions that he was on and off with drug use, the extent of his substance abuse was not known to his closest friends until the day he passed. However, the warnings were always there.